10 jaar geleden hebben we elkaar leren kennen. We waren beide 16 jaar en een avond uit met onze vrienden. Hoe onze avonden er toen aan toe gingen? Boswandeling in de ene hand, een sigaret in de andere hand en de leukste jongens imponeren met onze dansmoves. Ik niet, ik ontmoette haar.
Francoise was haar naam. Ze had donkere krullen, mooie donkerbruine ogen en een hele lieve lach. Ze was rustig en keek de kat uit de boom. Ik probeerde haar aan te sporen om te dansen, maar daar gaf ze geen gehoor aan. Ik was onder de indruk van haar, al wist ik zelf niet zo goed wat ik met dat gevoel aan moest.
Na deze avond wilde ik haar beter leren kennen. Via onze vrienden had ik haar nummer gekregen en ik stuurde haar een SMS bericht met de vraag of ze wilde afspreken. “Wat gaan we doen?” had ze me gevraagd, waarop ik antwoorde: “Een film kijken?”. Serieus? Op klaarlichte dag vroeg ik een meisje om een film te komen kijken? Wat bezielde me? Wat zal ze wel niet van me denken? Haar antwoord ging echter tegen al mijn verwachtingen in, ik zou haar die middag nog zien en kon weer opgelucht ademhalen.
Aangezien ze nog niet wist waar ik woonde haalde ik haar op bij de bushalte. Het wachten op de bus maakte mij steeds zenuwachtiger. Wat moet ik tegen haar zeggen? Moet ik haar drie kussen geven of gewoon een knuffel? Wat voor een film gaan we zo kijken? De zenuwen verdwenen als sneeuw voor de zon toen ze uitstapte. Ze begroette me relaxed met een knuffel en haar donkerbruine krullen danste om haar heen. Och, wat was ze mooi.
Onze filmmiddag was geslaagd. Francoise had de geweldige eigenschap dat ze mensen tijdens het lachen altijd aanraakte, wat bij mij een hoop kriebels veroorzaakte. Ook al kon ik mijn gevoelens niet plaatsen, ik kon mijn geluk niet op. Dat geluk werd echter snel verstoord door haar vriend. Ze had een relatie en afspreken met mij hoorde daar niet bij.
3 jaar later
Ik ben me aan het klaarmaken voor een avond uit met mijn beste vriendin. De gel kleeft aan mijn handen en ik ben zeker 10 minuten bezig om mijn haar te fatsoeneren. Tsja, als je haar maar goed zit was toen mijn motto. Inmiddels is mijn haar kort, ben ik uit de kast en ga ik elk weekend uit. Hoe mijn avond er toen aan toeging? Hetzelfde als toen ik 16 was, alleen heb ik de boswandeling ingeruild voor een biertje en probeer ik de vrouwen zichtbaar te imponeren met mijn dansmoves. Zo ook haar.
Francoise, daar staat ze. Nog steeds haar donkerbruine krullen en mooie ogen, ze is oogverblindend. Dit keer danst ze met haar vriendinnen en weet ze een hoop jongens te imponeren met haar dansmoves. Zo ook mij. Nadat het me is gelukt om oogcontact met haar te krijgen, stap ik op haar af. “Hoe gaat het?” vraag ik haar. “Het is uit.” is het eerste wat ze tegen me zegt. Ze legt me kort uit waarom haar – inmiddels 3 jaar durende – relatie is gestrand. Daarna valt het stil terwijl we elkaar diep in de ogen kijken en begint ze met me te dansen. Damn, wat is ze mooi.
Vanaf die avond gaan we elk weekend uit met elkaar. Haar vriendengroep wordt mijn vriendengroep en andersom. We verliezen elkaar geen moment uit het oog. Ondanks onze vriendschap is mijn gevoel voor haar anders. We zijn meer dan vrienden en we hebben onze avontuurtjes samen. Ze is echter duidelijk, een relatie met een vrouw is niets voor haar. Ik neem genoegen met onze avontuurtjes en geniet van haar zolang ze bij me is.
Ondertussen verbreed ik mijn horizon en krijg ik een relatie. Francoise is onbereikbaar. Ik laat haar los en verbreek het contact.
2 jaar later
Ik loop als een dronken puber over de grote markt opzoek naar mijn broertje. Meneer is ervandoor gegaan en nergens meer te bekennen. Achter mij hoor ik een enthousiaste stem mijn naam roepen, het is Francoise.
Ze rent op me af en slaat twee armen om me heen. Een enthousiaste begroeting die mij enigszins overrompeld. “Wat doe jij nou hier?” roept ze. Ik vertel haar dat ik opzoek ben naar mijn broertje of ze mee wilt helpen. “Ja, tuurlijk. Ik heb toch ruzie met mijn vriendin.” zegt ze. Er valt een stilte en ik kijk haar aan. Ruzie met haar vriendin? Bedoeld ze vriendin-vriendin? Vriendin in de zin van een relatie met een vrouw? Ze begint te lachen en bevestigt mijn vragende blik. “Ja, ik heb een relatie met een vrouw.” zegt ze.
Mijn broertje bleek dronken naar huis te zijn gestrompeld. Dat gaf ons de ruimte om de avond samen af te maken, Francoise en ik. Haar donkerbruine krullen danste in de lichten van de club en haar ogen glinsterde. Ondanks dat we elkaar al zo goed kende, voelde het anders. Ze was uit de kast. Ze ging van onbereikbaar naar bereikbaar. Dit was mijn moment, ik wilde haar.
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